And I loved you so

That's my Aunt with me when I was a little boy. Something tells me that I never really did grow out of being that little boy to her.

Chivonne texted me an hour before my constitutional law moot court on Friday that my aunt had passed on peacefully in Seremban.

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I started this on the night I received the news but will only publish this when it happens. If anyone is reading this, yes… it had already happened. I had made the decision to turn off the machine. 8,000km away in Hobart.

No, I don’t feel terrible about this. I feel beyond what a mere misery could provide. It is consuming me with every deep scratch it sinks inside. At this moment, my experience is beyond any feeble mortal articulation.

Never have I found myself crying in such clear and consistent intervals when I was speaking to you over Chivonne’s mobile. All I heard was your labourous breathe punched in by the ventilator. Yes. I am still that boy whom needed you always and crying when you are not around.

I’m sorry that I cannot be there to hold your hands as you slip into that peaceful sleep.

I’m sorry that I was not around to warm your skin with my kiss when you entered the cold hospital room.

I’m sorry that I could not be there to see your smile over casual dinner.

I’m sorry that I did not hug you before I left for the airport that year.

I’m sorry that I am always stuck in the office when you called.

But… life was never meant to be reversible.

Thank you for telling me that it is alright.

Thank you for telling me that it is okay.

Thank you for never stopping to try to get me to dinner.

Thank you for assuring me that you will be there when I return.

Thank you for understanding that suddenly strangers are very important to me.

Thank you for loving me as one of your own and never stop believing in me.

I want to be with you and you are always inside me.

Lovingly yours,
Sheng
12th September 2008

This is for you. I know you like this song very much.

榕樹下 - 余天
曲︰遠藤實
詞︰慎芝

路邊一棵榕樹下　是我懷念的地方
晴朗的天空　涼爽的風
還有醉人的綠草香

和妳繞過小路彎彎　情人山坡看斜陽
晚霞照上妳的臉　情話綿綿說不完

啊　妳可想起榕樹下
可曾想起綠草香

路邊一棵榕樹下　是我見妳的地方
甜美的笑容　親切的話
還有默默的情意長

妳曾陪我留戀春光　盡情細訴心中願
幾個春天已過去　就是就是不能完